so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You made out with two different species that night
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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