We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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