Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
