i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
