you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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