He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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