Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Boobs speak an international language.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i think im in europe. pls send help
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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