Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
