You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
