Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize