Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
