Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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