you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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