home. puking in laundry basket.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
