you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i need some magic done to my vagina
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
