I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I didn't shave. On purpose
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
