She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
