I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
