This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
