Where did you get a picture of my penis
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
