Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
