my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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