And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
