Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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