Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
