I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
