drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
