if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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