That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
