Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
