Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
