I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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