If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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