how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
