when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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