Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
