I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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