I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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