I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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