im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
