I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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