dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
