I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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