What did we do last night that was yellow?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You can't just leave with hair like that
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize