Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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