Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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