Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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