I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
