I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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