oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
