we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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