There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
