I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Where is the hickey?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
