so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
