Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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