i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
