I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
