OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
