Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
