I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
