All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
