but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want to be your penis for a week.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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