The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
