I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
